As my due date, June 5th, 2007 came and went I started to feel less and less like Emilia was actually going to come. It was as if she didn’t come on her due date, she wasn’t going to come at all. I wish I had come across the statistic I now know – “70% of first time moms deliver 10 days past their original due date...” I had made it very clear with Dr. Sari Witzke that I wanted to go into labor on my own. I was not wanting to push things if they weren’t ready. I, of course, wanted Emilia to be healthy and happy inside of me, but if it wasn’t necessary, I didn’t want an induction and I didn’t want a c-section. I visited the doctor every other day once my due date past. I had non stress tests and an ultrasound to check fluid levels. I remained very calm and enjoyed every last swollen hands and feet and face moment of being blessed to carry the gift of new life.
It was Friday morning at 3:30am on June 15th, 2007 - I woke up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night – one of the several visits I was making. As I was trying to get back into bed - which is much more of a task at almost 42 weeks pregnant - my water broke! I sat there stunned for a moment thinking about what I had learned in my baby class – COAT (color, odor, amount, time) and then said calmly, “Jeff, can you help me – my water broke” He JUMPED out of bed from a complete dead sleep and jetted back and forth not knowing what exactly to do. I then said, “Could you get me a towel?” and he got one :) We got the baby binder with the number to call for when labor starts. On top of the binder were the sheets my doctor had given me in case I didn’t go into labor on my own and needed to schedule an induction. I was happy we weren’t calling to see “if a bed was available” because ready or not – HERE WE COME! The nurse asked what time my water broke and she asked about the color, odor, amount and time. It was clear, odorless, about 2 cups and at 3:30am. They told me I could shower and come in within the next two hours. I did just that. I took a nice warm shower, shaved my legs, had two pieces of peanut butter toast, put on my makeup, called my parents and my best friend Susan, took a couple final belly shots and off we went :) I wasn’t experiencing any contractions that I know of. A few gushes here and there – but that was it.We got into the car with a towel on my seat and the video camera in my hand. It was a very calm trip to the hospital with little traffic. We checked in at the hospital and waited for a wheel chair to come for me. Another couple came in after us. The women was actually in pain, unlike me – so I offered her my wheel chair saying she could go first. They took us both, just having her husband push her in another wheel chair while the nurse pushed me. I didn’t need one, but they insisted. We got checked into PETU and they hooked me all up to monitor everything. I was examined and was told that I was 2 centimeters and 100% effaced and having little contractions. They then started to find a little concern with Emilia’s heart rate, so they asked me to lay on my side, hooked me up for IV fluids and asked me to wear an oxygen mask. This did the trick...but it also meant that I was now tied to laying on my side in bed with an oxygen mask for the remainder of my labor...
My doctor was just finishing up a 24 hour shift and was going to go home to sleep for 8 hours and then come back for another shift! She was notified that I was there so she came and said hi and checked on how I was doing before heading home for a little rest. She said, “For my sake, I hope you’re still in labor when I come back, but for your sake, I hope you’re not”. I was so at ease knowing that it was more than likely that I would have my doctor who knew me and my wishes there to deliver, Emilia. I feel that if she hadn’t been there, it would have gone a lot differently... So – they moved me to a labor / delivery room that was just fabulous. It was spacious and comfortable with a great view of a beautiful green landscape to stare out to. I continued to be monitored and was told to flip to a different side every now and then – but it was no problem. My mom and dad were on their way from Marshfield but stuck in traffic due to road construction! Good thing things were moving nice and slow :)
I had decided that I wanted to wait on an epidural until I was 4-5 centimeters and a 9 on the pain scale. They had started me on some Pitocin to get my contractions stronger and regular so the 9 on the pain scale came quick. I felt like I was going to throw up and I think Jeff thought he was going to lose his fingers from lack of circulation. I kept focused and breathed deeply through all my contractions wanting to do my best for Emilia. Once I asked for the epidural the doctor was there in a minute. I never even looked up at his face before he hooked me up with the epidural. I joked that he could have been in a costume and I wouldn’t have even noticed. It turns out he was a nice, clean cut, blond haired man with very nicely cared for hands as my mom recalls :) He was great at walking me through the sensations I would experience as he hooked up the IV... I remember him saying, “this is going to feel like a bee sting...this is going to feel like a dull tooth ache...” It made it much easier to handle when you knew what to expect. My parents later told me the needle was HUGE - like 10 inches at least. The epidural worked great after just one little adjustment to even out the numbness I felt more in one leg. I was set! I listened to a little Jack Johnson, watched some of the movie Beaches, talked with Jeff and my parents and Susan who were all in the room. I enjoyed a couple Popsicles just like I thought I would and was even happy to be able to sip on water...something I thought they steered you away from. I remember the point at which I realized I had lost ALL MODESTY. The nurse said she needed to put in a urinary catheter and asked if I wanted Susan to leave the room as she was the only one in there at that moment. I said, “no – she doesn’t need to leave – she has seen me naked!” and they took care of business with her right there! That was NOTHING compared to what she was going to see! Once the epidural had taken over, I was feeling so nice and relaxed. They told me it would be a good time to get some rest as I had a lot of work ahead of me. Even with all the excitement around me, I was able to take a nice snooze. I slept until the nurse came in to check my progress at around 8:15pm. I was on my 3rd nurse at this point... Yes - 3 nurse shifts, but it honestly didn't feel like that long. They told me I was 10 centimeters dilated and asked me if I wanted to try and push. I asked her how long I should expect to be pushing. She told me, with this being my first baby, I should expect to push between 1 - 3 hours. I recollected the episodes of A Baby Story I had Tivoed and watched every night after work. I concentrated on pushing down and holding my breath while I bared down and curled around the baby... The nurse was so encouraging and told me that I was a really great pusher. I told her it must have been the 1,ooo Baby Stories I'd watched :) We all laughed. I would soon see that the nicely edited 30 minute episodes are nothing like experiencing child birth first hand.
So, for the next 3 hours, I continued to push with all that I had. I asked a couple times throughout how long I had been pushing. I knew that if it got to 3 hours and there was still no baby, they would suggest a c-section and I did not want that. About 1.5 hours into pushing, they detected that I was running a fever. This indicated some type of infection. With my water having broken almost 20 hours earlier, it wasn't surprising. With this new discovery also came news that there would be neonatal nurses in the room when Emilia was born and that she would have to be taken to the NICU where they would monitor her and administer an IV of antibiotics to fight off any infection she my be contracting at this point. She would not be able to stay in the room for long and she would not be able to spend the night with me. But through this all, I was un phased. I was focused on my job and that was to deliver my little girl into the world. My needs were already coming second. When asked how I was feeling, I would always, without hesitation reply, "Great!" They were not going to convince me to give up on this! We tried several different pushing positions throughout this time. I can't recall which position worked best. What I do recall is asking for the nurse to bring up the mirror so I could see if my push was working. Having the mirror helped to motivate me because when I pushed, I could see the top of Emilia's head, just barely. At one point, Jeff was holding my foot and I was pushing. Since I was having a contraction and pushing, I wasn't able to talk. He was leaning into my sight line of the mirror trying to see. I somehow found the ability to lift my numb leg and give him a little kick in the face! It really surprised him and everyone else in the room. I just explained, "you were blocking my way!" Other recollections of this part of labor...my Mom and Dad trying to hear everything the nurses were talking about, so worried that something may go wrong. They watched the monitors and kept their eyes and ears on as they prayed for me and Emilia. They would feed me ice chips between contractions when I would just open my mouth like a bird to ask for more, but not wanting to talk as I was saving all of the energy that I had for the task at hand. I remember so fondly, looking forward to the end of each contraction / round of pushing because this is when Susan would gently rub the top of my hand and tell me I was doing "amazing". The support that I had around me with Jeff, my parents, Susan, the nurses and the LORD are what gave me the strength to keep pushing, contraction after contraction for 3 hours long. I would repeat in my head, "Lord, give me strength" as I remembered, "She will come in her time..."As we were approaching the 2.5 hour mark, I asked the nurse if she really thought I could push Emilia out. She had been so positive and encouraging throughout everything. She remained positive and said that yes, she believed I could push her out. But she was trying to determine if the reason Emilia wasn't coming out was due to her position in the birth canal. She asked if I was feeling a lot of pressure or pain in my back. I wasn't. I remember my mom talking about the "back labor" she experienced with me. She felt like her back was going to break due to the pressure I was putting on it since I was face up in the birth canal. I didn't feel like I was experiencing this. Especially because I had been so mindful, throughout pregnancy and even labor, to do the alternating cows pose / cats pose positions to encourage the ideal positioning of the baby. I was pushing exactly as I should be giving each push EVERYTHING I had. I just felt like she wasn't moving down like she should. At this point, Dr. Witzke came into the room. Once she was there, I felt like it meant that Emilia would soon be there too. When it was just me and the nurse, it didn't feel like it could really happen because they weren't ready. But when Dr. Witzke arrived, she told the intern that was shadowing her, "She's my patient. I'm delivering this one." She had me push for her and agreed that I was pushing great but that Emilia was just "stuck." She asked me if I wanted a little help. This is where most doctors would just say, the dreaded...let's prep you for a c-section. Well, not with this girl. Instead, Dr. Witzke explained that she could help me with a vacuum. She showed me the small round suction that she would place on Emilia's head. She assured me that this would still be "me doing it", she would just be helping. She knew me so well and knew that I wanted so badly to deliver Emilia myself. She phrased everything as if to say, "This is not you giving up." I agreed to take the help as the room was a buzz with neo natal nurses and more nurses for me and my parents and Jeff and Susan. They dropped the bottom of the bed down and laid big blue sheets everywhere. They told Jeff where to go to hold my leg and my nurse took the other side. Dr. Witzke got on her gloves and face mask and prepared the vacuum she would place on Emilia's head. As she prepared everything, she explained, "I can only do this once. You need to give me the biggest push you have given all day." I nodded my head and waited for them to say go. When they said the word, I pushed with every last bit I had as I watched Dr. Witzke use the vacuum to maneuver Emilia out. This was not a gentle, peaceful experience. Dr. Witzke was determined to "help me" deliver Emilia the way I had envisioned. After the contraction, pushing, vacuum and several thrustful maneuvers up and down and from side to side...Emilia entered the world by seemingly flying out of me...SUNNY SIDE UP!
It was the most amazing sight I have ever seen. Just like that, she was here! They put her up onto my belly and wiped her off as she cried the most beautiful cry. She was just perfect. The nurses reported that Emilia's APGAR score was a 9. Here only imperfection was that her hands and feet weren't perfectly pink. Her head looked horrible...but they slipped a cute little hat on her and assured me that "it would heal quickly."After Emilia was delivered, my doctor informed me that I had a 3rd degree tear as she stitched me up. This seemed so un phasing as Emilia laid on my chest. We were taking pictures and just soaking in all the joy of the moment. During one of my last appointments, I told Dr. Witzke I would like to see the placenta after delivery. She remembered this and told me she would show me after she was done stitching me up. The placenta was a pretty cool sight. After all of the reading I had done throughout my pregnancy and after the sight of extreme blood I had just witnessed, the placenta was nothing... Dr. Witzke lifted the thin, clear "skin" that had held the amniotic fluid and Emilia for the past 10 months. It was really fascinating :)
They let Emilia stay in the room with us for quite awhile. We attempted nursing for the first time with about 6 hands in the mix trying to make it happen. I wasn't worried - there was a lot of time to figure that out. I was just thankful to have her right there in front of me, healthy and beautiful. When it came time for her to go to the NICU to be weighed, measured, evaluated and given an IV, they let Jeff carry her :) The nurse realized that "dad hasn't even held her yet" and handed over the tiny, swaddled little bundle. This was a nice surprise since we had always been told that babies needed to be trasnported in the rolling little bed. I guess they figured the halls were empty and quiet enough as it was after midnight. My dad went along to take pictures and video of everything that happened in the nursery and I am so thankful for that! I otherwise wouldn't have seen all the special first stats gathered! My favorite part of the video is when the nurse refers to Emilia as a, "nice sized child..." after being weighed. I also loved being able to see the tender little moment when Emilia was soothed by Jeff quietly saying "ssshhhhh" while she let out a cry. Back in the room, I was given a turkey sandwich, carrots, chips and a cookie - a nice little boxed meal the hospital provides when the cafeteria isn't open. I hadn't even felt hungry up until this point but it sure hit the spot :) My nurse was still in the room monitoring my fever and blood pressure and checking my stomach to make sure my uterus was contracting back down to the size it should be. I remember her asking me, "do you want to feel human again?" This was her way of asking me if I wanted to take a bath. I have to admit, I was a little scared to put my body into the bath at this point. But, with her help and Jeff's, I slowly lowered myself in for a nice little soak. When I finished up, I put on some clean pj's, a robe, took a quick look in the mirror and headed down, very slowly, to the nursery to see my baby. She had her first little surprise for us - a dirty diaper! I was happy to change it, knowing it would be the first of many! We settled into a nice little rocking chair and worked on nursing. There were so many great nurses there to offer advice, help with positioning and check on her latch.
And so it began... Life with Emilia Marie. We could not have imagined one moment going any differently. We see more clearly everyday that each moment in life happens for a reason. We will choose to continue to live faithfully and accept God's plan for our family.
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